I must be the stupidest woman who ever lived. there is this girl he's got with us (don't let you imagination go wild, nothing kinky going on... hell, he hasn't touched me ib like a half a year) and they fight lie crazy. they a supposed to be friends, but they were arguing rather heatedly and he shouted that he's in love with her. my world came crashing down. we have more or less been ith each othrt for 13 (pushing 14) years. He has known her for like 3 months. he says he loves ne and I know he loves me but i guess he isn't in love with me. I am so being used. I am so stupis. He wants her and I don't know why he don't let me go. I am too stupid to leave him because I love him. I'm freaking dying here. I love him and I am totally in love with him. He hurts me so bad and never apologizes. never hugs me. Won't touch me. But he says such sweet things to her. Then they fight. They carry on and on and they honestly don't even like each other, but claim to be oh so in love.
So where and what does that leave me? I have given up everything and everyone in my life for him and I don't mean a damn to him. God! I am so emotionally wounded and he says i'm 'playing' and trying to get attention. Truthfully, neither of them seems to think aboout anyone outside of themselves. They bot have ate, drank and partied up so fucking much of money that I worked so hard for. do either of them thank me or repay me, or even just offer to repay me in some capacity? well, yeah, they thank me by fucking behind my back. by taking from me and wounding my heart and my pride.
he thinks (or says this is what he thinks) that I am mean to him. he does all these dirty things and shows me n affection. They say "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." I think this is what that means. I can't help that I am angry and hurt. He said we was gonna get married and then he stabs a knife deep in my heart and twists it in and sticks his head so far up her ass he has no way to see me.
I freaking love him. So much and I a hurt so bad and I honestly don't know what to do.
My heart says stay. My mind says "No! You dumb bitch. You should go. He don't care about you the way you need fot him to."
He does not understand what he is doing to me. He don't get it. He is losing me. I don't want to go. I want to be with him forever, but if he don't want me.... whats the oint? Why does he have to play thes games with my heart? It is so broken... so, so broken.
What did I do to deserve this?
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